The empty office, postmodern-style

Finally, the first phase of the extensions to Taskmaster Towers is complete, but the complaints from the employees just keep coming.

For months, the staff all complained about how the office was too crowded. Now they constantly bang down my office door to whinge about how empty the office is, how it takes too long to walk to the other departments and how far away their favourite vicuñacino buddy sits. You just can’t win!

If you’re a growing start-up moving into a new office that’s bigger than you need right now, what can you do with that empty office space?

For some inexplicable reason, I was inspired to think about soulless, windswept, empty wastes of space that one day might house office workers during a recent lunchtime walk through Melbourne’s Docklands. While I’m no art lover, the answer became clear: If there’s an empty space, park a postmodern sculpture there.

A few phone calls and a tofu burger later, an aspiring local “artist” created their latest masterpiece in the middle of Taskmaster Towers. A large pile of rusting, “liberated” parts from an old John Deere combine harvester was soon assembled.

There are a few perks to having a postmodern installation in your office. Unlike a traditional statue or pot plant, no one will care about old gear boxes being thrown in the rubbish as more desks are needed. If anyone does ever ask, it’s just “a statement on the impact of commerce on the arts”.

To potential clients, we can point to the roped-off rusty metal scraps and say: “At Taskmaster Enterprises, we really care about more than just widgets. We also care about supporting upcoming Australian artists.”

Of course, the staff still complain about having to walk too far to get to the other departments. “Yes, but it should be a walk of inspiration as you pass this profound statement critiquing McLuhanite technological determinism in a poststructuralist environment, you insensitive clod” is now my standard reply.

Do you have some extra office space set aside for future growth? Invest in some postmodern art.

Get it done – today!