My workmates think I won’t return after giving birth. Help!

Dear Aunty B,

I have told my work I was having a baby and now the day is near you would think I have announced I am off to take up residence on another planet. The carry on!

They are planning all sorts of farewells when I have made it absolutely clear I am coming back.

I work in a young team and I don’t think they know that women have babies and return to normal life. How do I get the message across that I will remain a fully functional human being who is capable of returning to work?

Leah,

CBD

Dear Leah,

Women never stop educating the ignorant, do we?

Here is what you do. Give them a ring when you are in labour and remind them of something they forgot to do. Make sure you leave long pauses when they can hear you pushing out the baby and then pop back on the phone and reassure them with a, “Gee. That’s harder than a day at the office. Now, where were we?”

Then, once the baby is delivered and you have had your cuppa, tweet to tell them they were all wrong and it is a girl.

Pop in to the office as soon as you are bored stiff and want to catch up with all the gossip. And while you are showing off the baby, they will see you can talk and walk, all at the same time. Remind them of your return date and da da! You will have educated a whole office full of noggins.

Be smart,

Your Aunty B