The serious business of etiquette

Take the SmartCompany etiquette pledge…

• I will not be late for meetings.
• If being late in unavoidable, I will make a short, genuine apology and get on with it. I will not make long-winded excuses.
• I will use my iPhone, Blackberry and/or iPad in a considerate manner.
• I will not tweet and talk simultaneously.
• I am capable of turning off electronic devices or at least switching them to silent mode.
• I will respond to emails in a timely, courteous way.
• I will resist the urge to use emoticons.
• I will RSVP.
• I will introduce people in social situations.
• I will pay attention to a person’s name when I am being introduced and make an effort to memorise it.
• I will not guess how many months pregnant women are.
• I will not make assumptions about someone’s sexuality or ethnicity.
• I will not act in an overly familiar way with new acquaintances, new clients and potential new investors – and avoid discussing sex, politics, religion.
• I am capable of listening to a presentation/keynote address without looking at my iPhone, iPad or Blackberry.
• I will eat, sneeze, entertain clients and behave in a culturally sensitive and professional manner at all times.

#1: The first rule of business etiquette, don’t be late. Duh!

Roberto Scheriani spends his working life watching some of Melbourne’s business heavyweights doing deals. You see, he runs The Italian restaurant in 101 Collins Street, Melbourne, the prestigious office tower that is home to the likes of Macquarie Bank, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley and A T Kearney. “There is one thing that really pisses people off,” says Scheriani. “It’s making other people wait.”

Scheriani is in prime position to observe modern business manners, what works, what doesn’t and the kind of behaviour that can really drive others nuts during coffees, power breakfasts, lunches and dinners.

It’s one thing to wait five minutes for a lunch date, it’s another to be kept waiting 20 minutes for a 30-minute scheduled coffee meeting. “It makes people ropeable,” he says.

#2: No one needs to “man up” and not everyone has “a wife” to bring to the office function

Making assumptions about people’s personal lives and backgrounds is plain rude. Heather Price, CEO of Diversity Consulting, says it is critical to avoid “value-laden” language. “When you say, ‘bring your husband or wife’, it makes the assumption that a person is heterosexual or married,” she says, and these kinds of assumptions about people’s ethnic background, sexual orientation or other point of difference can be extremely offensive.

“People need to be sensitive about the language they use,” says Price. This extends to clangers such as asking female employees to “man up”. Price says this kind of blokey talk is plain rude. Similarly, guessing how pregnant women are can be excruciating when it turns out they are not. Avoid stereotypes, it’s as simple as that.

#3: Avoid over-familiarity

It’s hard to fathom why someone would take their shoes off during a job interview but Paula Maidens, managing director of Recruitment Coach has seen it. “The candidate took his shoes off because when he gets nervous his extremities get hot,” she says.

Interviewers are trained to put people at ease with small talk, but some candidates take it too far. If people relax too much in formal business situations they risk becoming inappropriate, using jargon, slouching, even swearing and bitching. Maidens has seen one candidate take a phone call during an interview; another stashing biscuits in her handbag “for later”.

#4: Don’t be an iPhone/Blackberry moron

Annabel Davies is the chief operating officer for Ovarian Cancer Australia . She knows how hard it is to get people to put their iPhones away. She recently held a red carpet event for the 10^th anniversary of OCA at the new Vue de Monde at the Rialto in Melbourne. “We took the approach of trying to make it work to our advantage,” she says. The OCA encouraged guests to tweet and Facebook about the event during the night. “We think it is fine as long as you are not tweeting mid-conversation with someone of course, that would definitely be rude.” Of course, phones were expected to be on silent during the formalities with the Victorian Health Minister David Davis.

“People used to get upset if a person used a mobile phone in the restaurant,” says Scheriani, who has been in the restaurant trade since 1993. Scheriani remembers working with a menu in the 1990s that read: “mobile phones ruin the cooking of the risotto”.

These days, if there is a table of eight, two will be talking, the other six will be on their phones. The iPhone, Blackberry and iPad have taken over. “Now even though it is rude, it is socially acceptable,” he says.

#5: It’s easy to offend in social media spheres

Guaranteed that during the MasterChef finale, companies will jump onto MasterChef Twitter and start flogging their products. For social media consultant Alan Jones, timing into live events with products and services to spruik is something to avoid. “The information must be real and authentic to work,” he says. It’s a common mistake newcomers to social media make.

Similarly, it is poor form to keep spitting out the same product spiel over again thinking that it is going to be interesting. This approach misses the point of using social media and getting first-hand feedback from clients in real time, and getting a better understanding of the customer experience.

Jones follows 2,500 Twitter accounts (yes 2,500) in his role, and produces social media content for a dozen clients; he is also the social media director for TEDxSydney. “There aren’t really any social media experts yet because the industry is way too new and it’s changing rapidly. Best practice is changing all the time,” he says.

In Jones’ experience, smaller companies are actually being smarter about social media strategy but “big companies tend to think that their job is to be broadcasting all day.” “That’s simply not the case,” he says.

#6: Keep paperwork and meals separate

Unless it will only take a minute, keep the paperwork out of business lunches and dinners. “Meals should be for relationship building,” says Scheriani. “And it’s hard to digest your food if the meeting isn’t going well.”

Scheriani has seen whole parties of business people walk out on deals as meals are being served – embarrassing stuff. Over coffee, there is more room on the table for the iPad, laptop, paperwork and paraphernalia, and leaving mid-latte isn’t quite so dramatic.

#7: Be your own memory coach. Memorise, memorise, memorise

In the etiquette stakes, forgetting names is mortifying. If you have forgotten someone’s name, there are a few tactics to help avoid embarrassment. First of all, pay attention when you are introduced.

Founder of Next Business Leaders, Danielle Di-Masi, has written on etiquette for StartUpSmart. Her approach with names is to work hard to say the person’s name consistently at the first meeting. The goal is to lock the name into the memory bank. “You need to play tricks on your brain,” she says. Memorise, memorise, memorise. “People like hearing their name, it makes them feel good,” she says. “And it helps to embed the name in your memory.”

Author Joshua Foer’s quest to become a memory champion Moonwalking with Einstein is all about how to turbo charge your memory. (Foer started out as chronically forgetful so there is hope for us all.) Foer worked with a memory coach that could memorise more than 1500 numbers in an hour. He argues that we must cultivate our memories instead of neglecting them in favor of iPhones and other gadgets. To recall names, Foer’s approach is to use word associations and triggers to promote memory. For example, to remember the name Naomi Simson, think supermodel and Bart Simpson so if you forget you have some vivid cues to work with.

If you meet up again and have forgotten the person’s name, try reintroducing yourself, introducing someone else into the conversation, discreetly ask someone else who they are or just come clean and ask their name again.

#8: It is not table manners that make or break the deal

Beasley Intercultural founder and managing director Tamerlaine Beasley is an expert on cross-cultural business relations. “Our experience and research shows us that it is not the table manners which make or break the deal,” she says, “but rather the intent of the person and their capacity to demonstrate respect for the other.” Beasley says that businesspeople who work well across cultures have highly developed interpersonal skills, heightened self-awareness and genuinely want to engage with others.

For the record, Beasley does have some etiquette essentials. “Don’t blow your nose in Japan. To blow your nose into a handkerchief, put it in your pocket and pull it out to reuse is considered vile. Come to think of it, it does sound rather vile to me too,” she says.

Chinese banquet etiquette is also quite specific. “If in doubt, ensure your guest always eats and drinks first, toast frequently and make generous speeches.”

#9: Sex, politics and religion are best avoided

Company director and TEC Chair Jim Landau has seen quite a few etiquette blunders in his time as a senior executive in financial services and the government sector – executives arranging brothel visits for overseas guests who were looking for wildlife along the lines of Healesville Sanctuary; and a colleague “shaking hands with someone and watching what turned out to be a prosthetic arm simply fall off”.

While working with stockbrokers Potter Partners, Landau saw first-hand what can happen when people break the business etiquette rule of no sex, politics or religion topics in a business discussion. During a business meeting with an external party, one of the participants made the presumption that Potter Partners was a bastion of WASP Australia.

Says Landau: “He proceeded to rant about how wealthy Jewish businessmen were taking over the Australian sharemarket. As a graduate from Melbourne’s Jewish day schools I was clearly aghast at the thought of having to work with this man. However, the Potter GM calmly tore this man’s comments to shreds and made sure that he would play no role in working with the firm in that project.”

Landau has developed his own list of Australian-centric etiquette:

• No public hugs and kisses.
• No indications of academic or honorific qualifications.
• No long or foreign words like “faux pas”.
• No bargaining, or at least very little bargaining.
• No fancy dress at the office.
• No admission that you follow a footy team from another state.
• No missing the office BBQ or Xmas office party.

Emily Ross is a Melbourne-based writer and is the director of Emily Ross Bespoke. She is still getting over the embarrassment of guessing a hairdresser was about six months pregnant when in fact the woman had given birth six months ago. Don’t follow in her footsteps.