The danger of being a toxic leader

At the best of times leadership is messy. It’s about a way of being, not doing. It’s nebulous, nuanced and elusive, as much to do with feeling and energy as thinking and planning. It’s contextual and responsive and can never be one size fits all. When great leaders are in balance, they are both ferocious about their purpose, while warmly building strong and enduring relationships. This seeming paradox comes together in what I call Ferocious Warmth. Leading within the tension of both head and heart epitomises the daily dance of leadership. 

Yet too often people experience leaders who lead in an imbalanced and uncentered way, focused too much on results or too much on relationships. This can lead to a toxic culture. A recent global employee survey by Leaderfactor showed that 86% of people surveyed had experienced a toxic culture during their career. One toxic leadership style is a win-at-all-costs approach — all head thinking, focused only on results, measurement, strategy, and plans.  The other — all heart thinking usually entails indecisive direction and a focus on often unhealthy relationships of the team to the detriment of the higher purpose and strategy. Culture becomes toxic under the reign of these two types of leadership. The 2022 Gallup global workforce survey shows that many people are miserable at work due to the culture, with 19% feeling strongly disconnected and 60% emotionally disengaged.  Leadership is a critical factor in these results.

The dangerous and toxic extremities

Only head focused behaviour — fearsome leadership

At its worse, the toxic and fearsome leader inflicts trauma on those they lead. When this is the default style, the fearsome leader rules through fear. They are closed to ideation with their teams or senior leaders. There is a lack of psychological safety for those they lead, with people not willing to take any interpersonal risks for fear of retribution. They are the archetypal extreme authoritarian leader — my way or the highway. Their focus is on being right. Their style of feedback is based on harsh criticism rather than growth. Toxic behaviour is either brewing or in evidence when transformation is demanded and delivered as an ultimatum and through compliance. People do not buy into change due to a feeling of powerlessness.

Only heart focused behaviour — enmeshed leadership

We also have leaders who maintain goodwill and harmony over the need for robust dialogue, hard decisions and shift. This is a tricky position. In some cases, I’ve worked with leaders unaware that their ‘trusting’ relationships were stopping the organisation or team moving forward. The personal trust did not create the environment for rigorous conversations. This can lead to complacency, avoidance and a ‘digging in’ when true transformation is required to achieve results. Open discussion and lifting the bar is seen as conflict, even unfair. The extreme of this is the enmeshed leader. This leader creates drama through unhealthy relationships. People are rescued rather than supported to grow. Enmeshed leaders can use emotional manipulation to get what they want. People are wary of them as their behaviours and approaches are not consistent.

Leaning towards the extremities can lead to a toxic environment, and plummeting results and morale.

Toxic leadership — some possible indicators

People don’t speak at meetings or raise concerns with you
This can be a result of experiencing shut down or being belittled for speaking up, leaders not listening to their ideas, or being judged harshly for their contributions if they do not fit the leader’s belief. It can also be a result of being ‘frozen out’ if they do not agree.

People only tell you what confirms your own perspective, there is no honest feedback
What do people experience of you when they disagree with you? Defensiveness or attack? Passive aggressive behaviour such as not speaking to them for a period, or not asking their opinion again?

You shout or intimidate to get a reaction
Leading by fear is so…….. 20th century. Great workers vote with their feet on this one.

Unilateral decisions are the only way decisions are made
When we think we are the only ones with the right answers, many of the better answers are ignored.

People don’t set out to be a toxic leader. Overloaded work responsibilities, expectations from boards, stakeholders and clients and complex environments can challenge us all to stay balanced in a Ferocious Warmth way. But it is lack of self-awareness that continues prolonged behaviours that have negative impact on those we lead and ourselves. Are you aware of your impact?