Do negative behaviours drive you crazy?

The workplace is full of difficult situations – complaints, resistance, disruptions, demands and aggression. Personality clashes, communication breakdowns and interpersonal conflicts waste a huge amount of time and energy, and for a few people reading this – you might feel at times it drives you crazy!

There are some simple psychological skills necessary to overcome negative behaviours in others.

How do you deal with complainers?
Give them feedback. Do it sooner rather than later. Be clear and specific… give examples if you can.

“When you do X (be very specific), it’s a problem because (relate it to an agreed behaviour, value or team rule), and/or tell the person how it makes you feel. Then work out the best way to fix the problem:
Eg. Would it be possible…?
How do you want to resolve this…?
OR be direct yourself:
“So, what I’d like you to do in the future is…?”

Complainers like to interrupt and argue when you try to give them feedback. They want to justify their behaviour and challenge you and keep on complaining. So you need to be able to control the interruptions so you can get your message across, eg. “Please allow me to speak. I feel annoyed when you speak over the top of me…”

It can easily drive you crazy to be interrupted all the time when you are trying to give someone feedback. To regain control, you can use a mixture of words and non-verbal behaviours – say things like, ‘just hold on’, ‘please let me speak’, while at the same time, putting your hand up.

Resistance?
What about resisting, obstructing, blocking behaviours where someone tries to block the path to change. First thing is to try to convince the person to see things from a different point of view. The problem is, when you try to push someone who’s resisting, they just resist more. So what you need to do is delve and explore what is going on. People resist change for a reason. So instead of getting angry about the resistance, observe and listen carefully… and ask good quality questions. They have some need that is not being met and is hidden. Try and uncover that hidden need, then manage it, or meet it!

Disruptions?
Disruptive behaviour is one of the most commonly mentioned problems in the workplace. People find it very difficult to get their work done when they get constantly interrupted or distracted by others. The problem is by being polite and allowing the interruption, you reward that behaviour, and it tends to happen again.

The challenge and the skill is to stop rewarding the disruptive behaviour. Tell them you have a deadline and get on with your work. Don’t encourage it.

Demanding behaviour?
Demanding behaviour occurs when someone is unreasonable in their expectations or inconsiderate of others. For example, being asked for something with an impossible deadline. The skill here is to negotiate as soon as the demands start – without negativity, and seek a commitment for change in the future. If the person slips back to an old pattern of demanding behaviour, you may have to renegotiate a number of times. Over time, the person will get the message.

Aggressive behaviour?
It’s easy to get upset and frustrated when you work with an aggressive person, or have aggressive clients/customers. You might try all of the above techniques.

Giving feedback
Take the person aside and give them feedback.

“When you…”, “I feel…”, “What I want you to do in the future is…”

Uncover the hidden need, and be careful not to reward the aggression with attention. You could try and negotiate a change. The problem is you are left in a position of trying to change the other person.

Unfortunately, you can’t always get the other person to change. Sometimes the only thing you can change is yourself, and your own reaction.

Some people are always going to be angry so just do whatever the ask is, get them what they want and DO NOT take it personally. Manage your reactions. So if you can’t change the other person and their aggressive behaviour, you can stay calm, not get upset or defensive and reduce your stress level in the process.

Next time you have a negative behaviour to deal with, try one or more of these strategies.

View Overcoming Negative Behaviours.

Eve Ash is the producer of the award-winning Overcoming Negative Behaviours (Communication Essentials Series) and many other DVD resources and guides on managing difficult behaviour (www.7dimensions.com.au). Her popular courses on Handling Difficult People have been adopted by businesses around Australia.