How do I make the old man go?

Hi Aunty B,

My fiancé and his father started their business five years ago, and during that time I encouraged them, worked for nothing, registered the company, set up their accounts, sourced new clients, did the bookkeeping and answered the phone.

About 18 months ago, my fiancé thought it was a good idea to help his little brother out by giving him a job. The brother was lazy, broke the law on a number of occasions, lied and stole, and finally, after many arguments with his parents, my fiancé let him go. However, his parents do not speak to him and basically oppose any decision made by my fiancé.

The brother owes the business $2,000, he took the mobile phone the business provided him and took all the tools he was permitted to use for the job (which were personally owned by my fiancé). When my fiancé told the brother to return these things, the brother simply rang the parents (because at the brunt of this is the mother) and they told him he could keep everything.

On top of that they have accused me of embezzling funds. Many bills and items purchased for the business are done on personal credit cards and the money claimed back from the business and receipts are submitted. Because the mother couldn’t understand the reconciliation reports she took from the office I was accused of stealing the money. I have since piled all the receipts matched up with the reconciliation reports on the father’s desk with a note stating that I deserve an apology, however, the father will not leave the business.

The set up is a company (75% shares – the father, 25% shares – my fiancé) as the trustee of a family trust. The business is profitable but has five car loans and a loan for all the equipment and a truck – due to decline in value the sale of assets would probably not cover the loans.

We cannot get the father to change, move with the times or make any decisions at all, but when they are made for him – because he simply doesn’t give an answer and time is up – the parents accuse my fiancé and I of running the show and that, in particular, I have too much say in what happens with the business.

How do we get the father to go or get out of this without ending up owing money?

Sammy

Dear Sammy,

I am afraid to tell you: but I will. You sound almost as bad as the mother-in-law from hell. What on earth are you doing mixing yourself up in this? It is your fiancé’s and father-in-law’s business. Let them run it. And you stay out of it.

Your job is simply to insist your fiancé has a proper bookkeeper and accountant and that it runs at a profit so there is income for your family. That’s it! Then you take your considerable talents and energy and go off and get a job in a professional organisation that values your contribution and compensates you adequately for it.

You then see your fiancé’s family from hell on family occasions, where you are all civil for as long as possible before making a beeline for the door – just like all families.

One more thing: you can’t get the father out unless you buy him out. Because it is his business. You might regard him as a dopey old fool, but he built the business up and he probably has skills that you are not aware of.

Sammy, you must look at what really matters here and I am afraid it is family first. You want a high-tech, with the times, growth business that is professionally run. They want a muddling along, me-too business that employs dopey children. Nothing wrong with that. Half the country’s family businesses are run in that fashion, eking out a salary with a bit of profit at the end of the year that usually goes into paying off loans.

Nothing you say will change their minds and you will just end up causing worse relationships within the family.

Here is what you must do. Go and see a counselor and work out why you are investing so much energy, emotion and time into this. It is time to move on and you can’t.

Good luck!
Your Aunty B

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