How do you cope with change when your whole life is turned upside down?

Our workplace is changing so rapidly and so constantly that I can never feel relaxed and in control. In fact for the most part I feel out of control and anxious. And on top of that things are going badly in my personal life and I sometimes wonder how to keep it all together. 

Feeling out of control is something that can become a big problem at work, because we don’t work effectively. And if we are experiencing change and problems at both home and work it’s a recipe for disaster, because each situation feeds off the other, rather than having home being a place to get away from the work issues, or vice versa.

I always seem to skate close to the edge of what is possible to achieve at work, so when a big change occurs I have to use strategies to cope effectively.

Last year I took on a massive workload of new productions – probably 10 times the amount of the previous year. And then on top of it I unearthed a family secret – that my father (who died in the mid 80s) was not actually my father, and it turned out my mother (who died in the mid 90s) had led a secret life, having an affair with a much younger man she met on a bus… for 15 years.

This is a lot to take in at age 56 – same week as my daughter had a baby. But my biological father is alive and well and we are enjoying the new relationship. I now have six new brothers and sisters.

During the weeks that ensued and even now a year later, many people kept saying they couldn’t believe how well I was taking it. Wasn’t I angry, upset, hurt etc?

I think there are a range of strategies to use to cope with change.

Reactions to change – give yourself time and space

The first is to be aware of your own reactions to change, and to acknowledge that it is normal to feel a variety of responses, from anger and frustration, to denial, disappointment and sometimes elation. It’s important to tell ourselves that we can cope, that it’s OK, that it’s normal to feel upset.

One of my new brothers, Michael, who himself had discovered only 10 years ago that this same man was also his father (and he was my neighbour for several years and we never knew we were related!) came and gave me some great advice. He said that for two whole weeks he just couldn’t concentrate. He said it takes time to sink in.

I took his advice and just gave in to it and didn’t push myself with work during those early days.

Control what you can, don’t waste time trying to control something beyond your control.

At work especially, too many people get caught up trying to react against change, trying to fight what is not within their control. Some things might be worth the fight, but mostly it’s all wasted energy.

Help others deal with change

Sometimes when you are feeling like your world is falling apart, it’s the best time to give help and support to someone else. Giving to others is a wonderful way to manage change.

Tolerance for uncertainty

A great skill to have for work and your personal life is the ability to tolerate uncertainty. It will get you through lots of different change situations. Try and consciously develop this skill.

Click here to see the video “Coping with change”.

Eve’s short film (a webisode pilot) Family Secrets is in the final three of an online Hollywood film festival competition – up against 22 US films and two UK films. (To see it you need to register to get a validation email with a click to view/vote.)

Eve Ash is a psychologist and co-author of Rewrite Your Life! and co-creator of the DVD Coping with Change (from the TAKE AWAY TRAINING SERIES). Eve is founder of SEVEN DIMENSIONS www.7dimensions.com.au

To see all Eve’s expert advice, click here.

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