Where is your inner six year old when you need them?

One of the biggest issues for sales people is knowing the right questions to ask customers. 

In our experience many people complain of not knowing how to structure questions, or knowing what type to ask and when to ask them. In fact, we have found that many people are often caught wanting in the questioning department and suffer from what we call ‘amnesia questionitis’.

Why is this so? Why are so many people paralysed when it comes to the vital skill of questioning?

If you have been around any children aged from three to six years old you will know that they do not suffer from ‘amnesia questionitis’.

In fact they never stop asking questions. It has been shown that asking questions and seeking answers comes naturally to all of us and as children we excel in this area. They also excel at listening too. The two skills go hand in hand.

Everyone is born curious to some extent, that is how we find out about the world. As children we want to know how things work, why this happens, where things come from, etc. Children will keep asking until they get a satisfactory answer.

Only the other night my eldest son asked me if I was ever afraid of the dark. It was a great question because it showed me a number of things about my 11 year old son:

1. He still had the desire to know about things and felt safe and confident to ask me.
2. He clearly wanted to talk about this now.
3. He wanted to understand why this happens and was he the only one it happened to.

As we explored the topic he realised that most people feel or have felt afraid of the dark at some stage and that it is quite normal. I shared with him how I felt and what I used to do about it. He also came to his own conclusion that it was his imagination that was making him feel afraid at times and that he could control that too if he wanted and how funny it was that you could let your mind trick you. We had a great chat and it was easy and enlightening.

I have lost count of all the questions my children have asked me to date, but I love this quality about my children. By them asking me so many different questions I have learned so much about them, myself and the world we live in. For instance, I have been able to answer questions I didn’t get answers to when I was little but had been on my mind since I was six or seven. I want to point out that I don’t always answer all of my children’s questions, I have also taught them how to answer questions for themselves through reasoning skills and self inquiry. When we can’t answer something the saying in our family is ‘Google is your friend’. My mother laughs every time I tell her about my children’s questioning abilities because she says ‘that sounds exactly like you’.

You have probably gathered by now, especially those who have been reading my articles for some time or those who know my work that I never stop asking questions. It is a life skill that I cherish dearly. It has opened up so many doors for me and made me a much better person for doing so.

So it saddens me when I meet people who feel they are unable to ask questions or do not know where to start or feel they need to be given permission to do so.

What happened to their natural ability to ask questions? It seems that as we grow up, many of us seem to lose the desire to ask questions. Maybe it was because we lost some of initial curiosity because we get caught up in the day to day grind and just want to rest.

Maybe we have been taught to not question. Often at school we were taught to receive the ‘right’ answer rather than to question it. Although I, personally seemed to ignore this one at my peril sometimes.

Maybe some children were never listened too and instead ignored so they never had their questions answered so they eventually gave up.

Others of us became self-conscious, wanting to fit and so didn’t question the prevailing paradigms of the time or situation. Or we did not want to appear stupid if we as a ‘dumb’ question. Again I ignored these too.

I find when we facilitate workshops that I have to state to the participants that there is no such thing as a dumb question and you should question things. I encourage them to test assumptions, work things through, ask ‘why?’ and ‘how?’, etc. I inform them that I am not there to tell them what to think but to show them how to think.

When prospecting or selling I often say to people ‘What is the worst thing you will hear if you ask someone for a sale or an appointment?’ A ‘No’. Big deal. At least you know. The worst thing is not asking at all because then you will never know.

Asking questions implies that you are using ‘thinking’ as a skill. Thinking requires effort. As Henry Ford said ‘Thinking is the hardest job going around that is why most people don’t do it’.

Maybe people are lazy and just don’t care. But I don’t think so. Why would we get so many requests about how to ask good questions? Yes there is skill in knowing what questions to ask, when and how to ask them – for instance we have a workshop solely dedicated to this topic.

However, the purpose of this piece is not to go into what questions to ask but why are so many of us lacking in this area?

When we don’t ask questions we are at risk of accepting what we are told is true. This can then lead to all sorts of issues such as:

• being told something is true when it is not.
• making assumptions and being caught out taking the wrong approach.
• being misled and losing out as a result,
• acting unwisely and causing harm to yourself or others.
• giving people what they don’t need.
• creating more problems than there were before.

We need to bring back our six year olds – in a slightly more professional form of course and find and reignite our natural talent for questioning again because:

As Arlene Harder stated:

“When we are able to push ourselves beyond what we assume we know and what others tell us is true, and when we explore whether or not the opinions of others make sense to us, we can see the world with new eyes.

The willingness to question our most cherished assumptions is the first step in finding a new perspective on the conflicts and extremism that divide us today. Just as a pebble thrown into a pond creates ripples that spread out in wider and wider circles, people who ask interesting, fun, and challenging questions of themselves, and of others, can form the nucleus of an energy that can turn the world around.

The more we are willing to go beyond easy answers, the more likely it is that we will find common ground with others. Also, knowing that others are asking the same questions we are asking, even though they may arrive at a different conclusion, connects us all in a new way.”

Effective questioning is a vital life skill that should be cherished and exercised on a very regular basis. It affects every aspect of our lives on professional and personal levels.

Questioning does not tell you what to think it shows you how to think.

So ask yourself the question: “how do you encourage effective questioning in yourself and your team?’

Remember: Everybody lives by selling something.

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Sue Barrett is a Thought Leader on 21st century sales training, sales coaching, sales leadership, sales capability and sales culture. She practices as a coach, advisor, speaker, facilitator, consultant and writer and works across all market segments with her skilful team at BARRETT.  They help people from many different careers become aware of their sales capabilities and enable them to take the steps to becoming effective, and productive when it comes to selling, sales coaching or sales leadership. Sue and her team are your first and best reference when it comes to forging out a successful career as a competent sales professional and leader . If you have an idea, capability, product, service or opportunity that can benefit another and make their life better in some way then Sue says you need to be able to sell – ethically, honourably, and effectively.  To hone your sales skills or learn how to sell go to www.barrett.com.au.