What’s in a relationship?

I often hear “we are in relationship selling” or “we need relationship sales people” but what I do not hear being asked is:

• What type of relationship are we talking about?
• What type of relationship are we looking for?
• What do we mean by relationship selling anyway?

Relationship selling happens in any place where relationships are important. For example, when a husband and wife are negotiating about something, they will be more successful if they both consider the relationship as well as whatever it is they each want.

Most people’s intentions are to have healthy viable business relationships, but this does not always happen, just like in our personal lives.

And I see many businesses and sales people in trouble because they have set up the wrong types of relationships with their clients to begin with.

If you do not clearly define what you mean by relationship selling then you may end up with client relationships like these:

Abusive relationships – aggressive clients who bully and intimidate sales people/suppliers, or the other way round.

Professional visitor relationships – calling in for a chat, coffee, etc. In short being paid to have a social life.

Master/servant relationships – “you are here to serve my every need”. I see this all too often in business banking where some clients take advantage of the “over servicing” of some business bankers, using them as a free accounting service. I am sure the accountants won’t be happy with this loss of revenue. I know the client is happy, but is it a healthy relationship in the long run?

Big brother relationships – “You’ll do as I say or else…”.

Win-lose or lose-win relationships – (someone has to lose out).

Friendships at the expense of profitable business partnerships – (see professional visitor).

Broken promises relationships – “I’ll get you in here if you give me this…” but it never comes through despite all those promises.

Exploitative or deceitful relationships – double dipping or tricking people into something they were not aware of. For instance a course participant on one of our recent sales training programs told of a telco sales person who sold the handset separate to the call plan when in fact the handset was already part of the plan, so the customer paid twice for the handset. This is fraud and can easily ruin your business’s brand and reputation over night.

“I work for you instead of my company” relationship – sales people siding with the client by giving away excessive margins, products, etc at the expense of the company. This is actually theft.

Hostage or handcuff relationships – “I have to deal with you but you really add no value to me or my business and I really resent that”. And “I have to deal with you because my parent company says so”.

Terms dictated relationship – your payment terms, for example, are disregarded by bigger businesses because they only pay at 60+ days (not the 14 or 30 days you agreed to).

Relationships under pressure – sales people having to meet monthly quotas hence they may use more pressured methods than perhaps they would like. This is a hazardous practice, as it may seriously damage an ongoing relationship, putting additional pressure on the hapless sales person who falls into the dangerous chasm. It amounts to selling stuff to make a quota not build a viable relationship.

And so on.

Do you have any of these types of relationships in your business? What types of relationships are you attracting to your business? Are they healthy or not? What are they making or costing you?

Some of the relationships mentioned can be particularly relevant for SMEs when dealing with big business where, for instance, your size can be used against you.

I also see sales people in relationship sales roles for big businesses as well as SMEs who over service existing clients at the expense of selling and winning in new business, thinking this is good relationship selling. It is not, as it sets up unrealistic expectations and costs too much.

So relationship selling needs to be clearly defined or else we are at risk of creating unhealthy, unprofitable relationships.

All relationships change and are continually evolving over time for better or for worse.

I recall a great saying I heard and often refer to, which I think gets to the heart of this: You have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

The same is true for business/client relationships too.

First of all consider this: Buying is a value judgement made in the mind of a person who has the ability to purchase, a genuine need/want and the capacity to pay.

Selling is understanding that mind set and the accompanying values and priorities, and delivering on expectations through effective communication (such as questioning and listening), ideas generation and collaboration, creative problem solving and relevant solution generation, and gaining commitment to move forward together.

Whether it is business-to-business or retail-to-consumer selling, this definition holds true.

Therefore relationship selling is an extension of this where the primary objective is the building of long-term viable business relationships with customers from which repeat and/or additional business will flow and a win-win outcome is achieved for both parties whether it is for a for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

In my research for this piece I also came across an article How to have a healthy relationship which, while referring to personal relationships, was quite pertinent to business relationships and in particular relationship selling.

It referred to the following steps:

• Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness.
• Make and keep clear agreements.
• Use communication.
• Approach your relationship as a learning experience.
• Tell the unarguable truth.
• Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation.
• Forgive one another.
• Review your expectations especially attitudes towards money.
• Be responsible.
• Appreciate yourself and your partner.
• Admit your mistakes and say sorry.
• Spend some quality time together.

You can find the full article here.

In addition I would like to add the following tips for sales people and their respective businesses.

Make sure you:

• Clearly define your level of service/products offerings and pricing.
• Know what you are good at and clearly communicate and deliver that.
• Create a network of businesses who are experts in allied fields to you so you can refer your clients to them when a needs arises you cannot fill.
• Learn to say “no”.
• Stand up for yourself, just because you are small doesn’t mean you can’t be a professional, well regarded business in your market.
• Don’t take it personally.
• Know the line between friendship and professional business relationships.

So in closing I wish you all the very best with all your relationships, both personal and professional. May they be healthy, happy and prosperous for all.

Happy selling.