What can I do about the office kitchen pigs?

Dear Aunty B,

I am on the verge of burning our kitchen to the ground. It is an absolute pigsty of dirty dishes, crusty breakfast plates and smeary cutlery. I only occasionally wander in to get a cup of tea and can never even find a clean cup!

We have tried everything. Rosters, warnings, threats, and nothing works. I am sure you have a clean kitchen. But could you please ask your other readers what they do with the office pigs? And forget putting one person in charge. We work in an environment where everyone thinks they are more equal than everyone else.
Fed up with the filth,
Melbourne

Dear Fed Up with the filth,

Well, I have news. Our kitchen is a pigsty. I, like you, rarely venture in without mask and protection gear. I have tried to remedy the situation with innovative ideas. But they were all rejected.

For instance, I wanted to ban anyone under 30 or living with their parents from the kitchen. But some pigs were identified among the baby boomers.

I also suggested putting a webcam in the kitchen, working out who are the culprits and then chopping off their fingers. But apparently the webcam is illegal.

I also suggested putting a padlock on the door and telling staff to get water by sticking their heads under the bathroom taps but that was rejected on OHS grounds.

So unusually – and actually for the first time – I have no solution to offer. Absolutely none. All I can do my friend is share your frustration!

Readers please come to the rescue. How can we get clean kitchens?

Your Aunty B

Aunty B is currently on holidays sailing the South Pacific and sipping piña coladas, but she will be back soon with fresh advice for your business.

Email your questions, problems and issues to  auntyb@smartcompany.com.au right now!
This article first appeared on August 31st, 2009.